“The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

George Carlin

“When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I’m sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.”

George Carlin

“One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.”

George Carlin

“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.”

George Carlin

“I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.”

George Carlin

“People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.”

George Carlin

“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”

George Carlin

“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”

George Carlin

“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”

George Carlin

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”

George Carlin

“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.”

George Carlin

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”

George Carlin

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